You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I only lived at night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
