Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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