she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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