He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
