alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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