My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
