I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
