I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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