I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
