Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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