I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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