Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The adults are the big ones right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
