Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
