we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
