drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
