I looked at my own cervix.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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