So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
