Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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