I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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