if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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