Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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