You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
