im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
