Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
third nipple confirmed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
