btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
