My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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