he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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