I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
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I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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