dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
