Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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