I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
