a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
