Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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