omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
