dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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