sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
