Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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