Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
