I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
