allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
