I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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