i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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