Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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