are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
