When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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