One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
