I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
