guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
