well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
