Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
