Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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