we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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