dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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