Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
operation harelip BJ is a go
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
