So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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