Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is the high leading the old right now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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