I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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