went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
