just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
