that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
