He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
