see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
